Life twists and turns and sometimes, when we are lucky, follows a straight path with little deviation. My son, Nicholas, knows about this journey called life. A year ago, he faced some unexpected and difficult news. But he didn’t let things end there.
I watched, listened, and learned as Nicholas maneuvered the challenges and turned toward hope in the process. It is a gift to see how God redeems and restores each messy part of our life with His beautiful grace and wholeness. Join my son as he vulnerably shares his own journey to hope.
“Ten… nine… eight…” the countdown had started. I was a mere 10 seconds away from one of the hardest years of my life being over. The atmosphere was electric as the crowd waited in anticipation of 2019 beginning. God did something incredible in the last week of 2018 to make this evening possible.
“Three… two… one…” fireworks went off and the Christmas lights made a synchronized dance to songs of hope. I felt the hand I was holding give me a squeeze, I looked into her eyes and knew right then and there… 2019 was going to be an incredible year.
To paint this picture for you, I need to back up to the beginning of 2018:
It was a cold, late winter evening as I walked outside. I put my duffel bag and laptop in my trunk and took a deep breath. I was about to say something I never dreamed of saying and I had to do something I never thought I would.
I sat in the drivers seat, started the car and placed a phone call. A familiar voice picked up on the other end, “hi son.”
“Mom, I can’t believe I’m about to say this but [my wife] wants a divorce. Can I have a place to stay tonight?” The tears started rolling down my cheeks as a tsunami of questions tore through my mind: how did it get to this, am I a failure, am I ever going to be loved or used by God again?
Pain-filled moments will change the trajectory of your life. The question is will you cling to hope in Jesus or will you run away from Him?
No Longer Running Away
The marriage I was in was not even remotely healthy. I won’t go into details, but know that I am not someone who believes in divorce nor do I think it’s an option. It is quite possibly one of the worst things you could go through in your life, very much like going through surgery without anesthesia or pain killers.
The odds are great that you have been in a painful moment like this. Maybe it’s not divorce but it’s a phone call late at night that you didn’t ever want to receive. Maybe it’s news from a doctor that crushed you, or maybe it was rejection from someone you love. Whatever it was, you found yourself in the darkest times of your life not knowing if you’d survive to see the sun rise again.
An easy response would be to blame God and believe He isn’t good because He let this thing happen to you. I’ve seen many people take this path but it never leads to hope again. No, I chose hope because I couldn’t possibly live life without it. So how do we get hope? How do we trust it could ever come back?
Romans 5:3-5 says this:
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5 ESV
“We rejoice in our sufferings”
It may, at the very least, seem crazy to rejoice in our suffering. But I can tell you, not only was 2018 one of the hardest years of my life, it was also one of the best. I knew that even though the night was darker than I had ever seen before, the day was going to be so good and bright. I never wanted this life to feel wasted or anything less than fully alive. God answered that prayer with a resurrection for me in 2018.
Pain-filled moments will change the trajectory of your life but the question is will you cling to hope in Jesus or run away from Him? Share on XWe serve a God who makes all things new. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve run, it doesn’t matter how dark the night is… He can make you new just like He did for me.
I don’t regret anything that I went through in 2018: the divorce, health issues, anxiety, costly water damage at my home… no all of that brought me right where I am. It wasn’t easy to go through but I know more than ever that God provides and I know that God is love.
Hope comes from character, character comes from endurance, and endurance comes from suffering.
So how did God make that New Years Eve possible? The short answer is: He helped me throughout 2018 learn what real love is by leading me through trials. He then brought someone into my life to reflect His love in a way I never thought possible. The even shorter answer: He gave me hope.
May 2019 be full of songs of hope for you. There’s more to come!
I am blessed to share this story of hope and to wrap up this mini series on Romans 5:1-5 with these words from my son.
To catch up on any missed posts, click HERE, HERE, and HERE.
Sunday blessings,
God is good. Thank you for sharing your son’s story here. It Breathes hope!
God is so very good. He is in the business of transformation and redemption. Blessings!
We were the ones that got the bad doctor report – and we trusted God – and it is amazing how God worked all these threads – and set the path for a good, better, best report – all because from the moment of the phone call – we trusted! There is a quote from “The Insanity of God” – that “for every crucifixion there is a resurrection” – and trusting that God redeems and resurrects us from the terribly hard. I am so glad that you chose God’s hope and God’s love to hold on to – He is an amazing father. As a child of divorce – I know that it makes all the difference in the rest of the story! Blessings to you Mary and Nicholas!
Your comment is so comforting and reassuring. I am going to focus on your words that for every crucifixion there is a resurrection. That truth is exactly what God wants us to know and experience. As parents we see it over and over. Thank you for speaking these life-giving words over my son.
May God bless Nicholas and his new relationship. I thank Jesus for using his story to communicate hope. We all need hope. When we even look away, we lose it.
Thank you for being here and leaving these kind words. I love how hope still stands in the middle of the most difficult trials.
Dear Nicholas, you have written the story of so many of our lives. You are young and I’m terribly sorry you walked through this yet, you walked through it well. Isn’t it odd that the very worst day, worst news, worst anything, can lead to joy in the morning. Hope never brings shame because hope changes everything. God bless you in 2019 and may your HOPE grow bigger and shine even brighter. Your mom’s friend, Susan.
Thank you for these sweet words for my son. Watching his story unfold has been such an amazing thing to see. God is in the business of transformation and redemption.
Thank you for your vulnerability, Nicholas. I’m blessed by your perspective and how you have continued to seek hope in Jesus in the midst of suffering!
Thank you for stopping by, Allison. He wrote from such an honest and vulnerable place. His words are hope-filled and healing.
I watched my brother go through this same set of circumstances over the last few years.
Nice job putting our suffering in its proper place.
God is faithful. God is good.
Thanks for stopping by, Ron! Nick has a beautiful way of leading us to hope in difficult circumstances. For me as his mom, it is amazing to watch the transformation.
Thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable story, Nicholas and Mary. Words can’t describe how devastating divorce is. I’m so sorry you went through this, but I’m so grateful that God gave you hope and changed the trajectory of your life. That He gave you a deeper knowledge of His love and provision. Blessings to both of you!
Your kind words never cease to leave behind love and encouragement. Thank you, Trudy for being such a dear friend!
Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words. May we all cling to hope this new year and share that hope with those around us.
Thank you for sharing your story of hope. It has been amazing as your mom to watch this transformation.
Thank you Nicholas and Mary for sharing this beautiful story of hope here. It is truly in these times of open-hearted sharing that the Grace of God can shine more brightly than ever! Blessings to you both!
YOu’re welcome, Bettie! Vulnerability takes us on a journey that leads us straight to God when we open our hearts to receiving His love. Blessings to you too!
Thank you, Nicholas, for sharing here on Mary’s blog. Your testimony is encouraging to those of us who are facing challenging times. We can count on God to stay by us and carry us through! (Psalm 23)
Psalm 23 is my favorite. It seems to be the one on repeat when I am faced with challenges. Blessed to have you here, Joan.
What a precious testimony written with such grace and joy gained through all the trials. Thank you so much for sharing this, Mary, and thank you Nicholas for letting your testimony enrich all of our lives.
I am blessed that Nicholas was willing to share this very personal story. I only asked him to write about hope and he did an amazing job.
You, my friend, are a man of God.
You have shown the hope and focus and peace He’s given in one of life’s worst storms.
May you believe that God has a plan for you that’s far more than you can ask or imagine. And all the horrors of 2018 just might pave the way.
Bless you, Nicholas …
Thank you for speaking these encouraging words over my son, Nicholas! You are blessing to me and my family!
Mary and Nicholas, thank you for sharing so openly. I am so grateful our God brought you through with hope and grace and mercy. May you both look forward with anticipation of all God will do and bring in 2019. Blessings!
I am in awe of how God works things for our good over and over. 2019 is going to be a great year. Thank you for leaving these sweet words.
Oh, Mary and Nicholas–thank you for this brutally honest sharing. When we’re in the midst of a rough season (understatement for you!), it’s always hard to believe that life will ever return to normal, and we are so tempted to doubt the goodness of God. Hope hangs onto the belief in God’s goodness even when all evidence points to the contrary. Hope hangs onto the belief that peace will return even when all is chaos.
Blessings to you and your family as you enter into His rebuilding and restoration.
Thank you for these words that encourage and uplift. Hope does hang onto belief in God’s goodness and that peace will reign even in the chaos. The beautiful part of this story is being Nicholas’ mom and watching the redemption unfold before my eyes. That is an amazing gift from God.