It’s been almost a year since you stole my happy and colored my world in black, grays and shadows. You swept in on the tail of Loss and haven’t looked back. Your shadows are the antithesis to the light that arrives each morning and lingers until the last rays fade away. You leave gaping holes and destruction in your path and have no concern for the devastation. Your goal is to overwhelm and overtake and your success is marked by the emptiness left behind. You creep in the quiet of night and enter my dreams and sleep escapes me. Your reach is as far as the songs on the radio and the glimpses of a familiar face that reminds us of who we lost. You have no intention of leaving and are never satisfied.
But as much as you expect to stay and color my days, I have found your reach to be waning. The moments where you took my breath away and left me panting for anything to fill my emptiness are fewer and less intense. The darkness is fading and color is returning through the burning oranges of a sunset and the bright blue of a summer’s sky. Where life was one note on the staff played over and over, now a whole song has gradually started evolving. The empty has filled, the shadows have lifted and the ache has lessened.
The God of Comfort has always been by my side but now I see Him. His hand reaches each day for mine and I crave His touch. God’s touch is an embrace which surrounds the sad and ache and eventually hugs it right out. God’s words wash over me and cleanse the hurt places. He reassures and reminds that He is near and willing to listen to my life spilled out in tears or cries of joy. As you, Grief, ebb and flow, God’s words move abundantly among the pages of His book – His story poured out for all.
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:183 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
It’s almost been a year since mom passed away and there are days that still knock me to my knees and it’s all I can do to get back up. The tears cleanse and recognize the loss of pain. The tears pour out to make room for love to pour in. But I hold onto the truth-God’s truth and know that He will always be the keeper of my dreams and my heart.
[Tweet “Grief creeps in the quiet of the night and enters our dreams but God is our dream keeper.”]
From a newly reclaimed daughter of the God of Comfort,
I am humbled to be able to link up with my friend Kate Motaung today. She has written a beautiful e-book titled Letters to Grief and you can read more about it here. Her words are for all and will speak deeply to your soul with healing and understanding. The link up for more letters to grief can be found here.
Also linking with my beautiful friend, Holly at Testimony Tuesday. She shares her own story of faith for all and now is sharing her page with others to do the same. Come on over and read encouragement for your own journey.
And finally, Jennifer Dukes Lee, shares about how to Be the Gift this Christmas at her site by helping those families in Haiti who have been living in blue tents for years after an earthquake devastated their homes. Her #TellHisStory link up is an amazing way to see how God works in others lives. Click here to be blessed!
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finding a new normal is so hard. 6 years on im still searching xx
I will pray for you Sara as you search for your new normal. In the journey, may God’s presence wrap around you like a warm blanket and assure you He is never far. Blessings for a New Year of hope and strength in the journey.
mary…i love how you pointed out that grief ebbs and flows, but God never does.
Blessed you stopped by Meghan! May God embrace all with His arms of comfort and love and in the embrace reassure us that He is never far. Have a blessed new year!
Mary, you have captured this so well. My heart breaks for you but in the midst of grief your faith is steadfast. Love you!
Cheryl- Your words calm, soothe and embrace me in love. I know God walks with me and on those days when grief overwhelms, I need to remind myself where my strength will come. Blessings friend!
Thinking of you today and asking God for his strength and grace to carry you through the next few days, and beyond. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you Barbie! Losing a mom is a loss like no others and each day brings back memories. Knowing that God is walking this walk with me gives me the strength to move forward especially on the days when the ache is intense. Praying your Christmas has been beautiful and joyful.
Gorgeous writing here, Mary. I’m so glad you shared and linked up. Thank you. Praying that the pangs of grief would continue to wane as you walk in this new normal with your Comforter and Redeemer. Grace and strength to you, friend.
I am blessed by the opportunity to pour my heart out at your place and share with so many others who know grief. The healing comes in the daily walk with God by my side. Merry Christmas!
There is hope. It is good to read it from someone who has lived it. Thank you for sharing this today, when it’s hard for me to see the color or hear the song.
There is so much hope and I only know because God chooses to walk this walk with me and you. I hold on tight because I know no other way some days. Blessed you stopped by. Praying for all that we see the color, hear the song and eventually are able to share it with others.
Yes, this, right here, is how we endure the weeping night…
‘He reassures and reminds that He is near and willing to listen to my life spilled out in tears or cries of joy. As you, Grief, ebb and flow, God’s words move abundantly among the pages of His book – His story poured out for all.’
Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter…
(p.s. my mama is now 12+ years in Heaven…there is part that loses the intensity, yet, somehow it greater ache increases with our own passing of time. Losing a Mama is like no other loss…and yet, in all things, He is our Dawn.)
Losing a momma is like no other and it has been one of the most difficult things I have ever endured but also an amazing thing in the learning of God’s infinite love for us. God is our dawn and each morning begins anew as we reach once again for our God of Comfort. Blessed by your words and pray that we continue to look to God for our love and strength.
Dear Mary – Losing a parent causes hurt to the depths of our being. This may sound strange, but appreciate the pain of your loss. It is a true reflection of the amount of love and joy that was shared between you and your dear, sweet mother.
Holding you close in thought and prayer my friend.
Christmas joy and New Year blessings!
Karen-your words are strength and comfort for me and I love you friend! I understand that we need to appreciate the pain as reflection of our love for the one who has passed. I will never stop needing or missing my mom but I am blessed to know that her home now is exactly where she needs to be. Have a blessed Christmas! Love you!
I’m sorry for your loss, and awed by your strength.
When I grow up I want to be like you.
This made me smile, Andrew. 🙂
Me too! 🙂
Andrew- I love your words of comfort and I must assure you I am no rock star when it comes to grief. It knocks me off my feet and comes in waves that are much bigger than me. This will be my first Christmas without my mom and I look to God for strength because the pain of loss is very real. Thank you for stopping by! Merry Christmas!
I’m so sorry for your heart, but I am also glad for your heart. Grief to comfort. He takes care to take care of your heart. ❤️
God is truly a God of all things. He protects my heart when it feels like it will shatter and provides the comfort that is needed. He is a big and amazing God. I am blessed to know Him. Merry Christmas friend!