Let’s welcome Michele Morin today. I love gleaning wisdom from Michele and her post about being an Enneagram Three – The Achiever is no exception. For any fellow threes out there, do you see yourself in these words? If you are still discovering your number, does any of this resonate with you?
Oblivious to the hum of classroom activity, I turned page after page as silent reading time flew by. In the fifth grade, I was riveted to the story arc of Helen Keller’s life. Only just barely old enough to fathom the complexity of getting an education without sight or hearing, my laser focus had found a heroine in this woman who overcame adversity to graduate at the top of her class and then go on to college.
“I want to do that,” I thought to myself.
So I did.
And that goal-setting, accomplishment-oriented part of me still wakes up every single morning with a plan in place.
The Challenges and Joys of Enneagram Three
Enneagram Threes are the achievers, the performers, the image-conscious do-ers who are driven and defined by our lists and our need to appear successful. “Threes are shape shifters who can switch personas to match the environment,” say Cron and Stabile. On my first reading of the characteristics of all nine Enneagram types, my initial response to each was, “Yes, I am that way… sometimes.” In unhealthy space, this can lead to the behavior of a social chameleon, inauthentic and empty. Healthy Threes, though, employ this sensitivity to understand and to advance the goals and pursuits of others.
Threes feel right at home here in the good old USA with our hurry-up culture, focused on accomplishment and a very particular definition of success. Three-energy actually allows us to keep up with the headlong rush. High energy can be a great asset, and while it’s good to be able to read a room and respond to the feelings and personalities present, the challenge for Threes comes in maintaining spiritual health that holds us within our authentic selves, owning our weaknesses, and not allowing ourselves to become cardboard cutouts of our imagined strengths.
Parenting as an Enneagram Three
I have done a fair amount of work to curb the Three-drive in an effort to be fully present to relationships and to practice patient attention to my amazing sons. Even so, the temptation to choose projects over people is present every single day. If you sit down to play Lego with your child, but are really picking up and organizing the pieces, you just might be a Three.
When my children were young, I quickly realized that the force-field of focused attention that allowed me to multi-task was not only unwise—it was unsafe! However, Threes bring the gift of wholeheartedness to their families. Just as we see all the wonderful things we could accomplish in a day, we love our families and friends by seeing their potential. We want to teach and lead them to success. That commitment to efficiency and effectiveness may feel like pushy-ness (and in an unhealthy Three, it most definitely will be), but our “let’s do it” mentality makes us very effective cheerleaders.
What Threes Wish Everyone Knew
One of the reasons Threes derive our value from what we do, is that it’s often true: we are loved for what we can do! Please discover who we are and love us for that as well. Relationships matter to us, and while it’s exhausting to be valued for what we can accomplish, we don’t believe you will love us simply for “being.”
Threes curate our stories to put a positive spin on life. What sounds like a glowing resume, may actually be a sign that things aren’t going as well as we’d like you to believe.
Threes are not immune to our own feelings, but we are able to disconnect from them in order to stay focused on the task at hand. Cron and Stabile call this the “Feelings to Deal with Later File.” In order to stay healthy, we may need to be pushed to stop and take inventory of that backlog now and then.
Important Spiritual Disciplines for Enneagram Three Development
- Silence, Solitude, Scripture, and Sabbath
Time alone, quiet pondering, and soaking in the truth of God’s Word does nothing for one’s resume or do-list (and it’s important for everyone), but Threes have a special need to step back and simply “be” in the presence of the God who loves us. We may not feel as if we need to rest, but the penalty for not resting is high. The wisdom of Eugene Peterson speaks directly to Three energy: “If you don’t take a Sabbath, something is wrong. You’re doing too much, you’re being too much in charge. You’ve got to quit, one day a week, and just watch what God is doing when you’re not doing anything.”
- An authentic friendship with at least one person
If a friend already know the worst, and the relationship has withstood the knowing, that friend becomes a safe harbor with no expectation of success or image management.
- Leaving work undone (Sometimes)
Leave the office at 2:00 p.m. Leave dishes in the sink. Stop writing the first time someone interrupts you with a need or a potential conversation. Look up from your book. Put down the pen. Find the speaker’s eyes and focus there.
- Experiencing Failure
Suzanne Stabile has said that without the experience of some significant failure, Threes will never fully come into healthy space, learn their need of other people, and lean into their need for God. Richard Rohr refers to this as “falling upward.”
- Reading the Old Testament prophets
Jeremiah spoke God’s exact words to the people of Israel for twenty-three years–with no observable success. Isaiah puts words around the “thirst” that keeps unhealthy Threes in constant pursuit of “what does not satisfy.” Zephaniah closes his prophecy with the comfort of God’s delight in His children.
Safe in the knowledge of God’s love and acceptance, Enneagram Threes are a formidable force in the Kingdom of God. Join us on the blog as @MicheleDMorin shares her experience as an Enneagram Three. #newpost #EnneaWhat #TellHisStory Share on XSafe in the knowledge of God’s love and acceptance, Enneagram Threes are a formidable force in the Kingdom of God. The worst part of us can also become the best part of us as we grow into gospel truth that, yes, indeed, it is true: we have not done enough.
And we never will.
But we are more than the sum of our successes.
We are loved by the God who made us and who knows the person behind the image, the heart behind the goals, and who gave his life to communicate the healing message that we are ever so much more than what we do.
Thank you for joining Michele and the Tell HIs Story community for the Enneagram Series. If you like what you read, feel free to share. Come back next week for Daniel and Nicholas Geisen as they share about the Enneagram Four.
Michele Morin is a teacher, reader, writer, and gardener who does life with her family on a country hill in Maine. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for nearly 30 years, and together they have four sons, two daughters-in-love, and three adorable grandchildren. Michele is active in educational ministries with her local church and delights in sitting at a table surrounded by women with open Bibles. Connect by following her blog at Living Our Days, or via Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
The Road Back to You—Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile
Mirror for the Soul—Alice Fryling
The Enneagram Journey podcast
Michele, I’m not sure which one I fall into, but a lot of what you said resonated with me. I always admired how my sister could play with her young children. I was the one who had a hard time not picking up or teaching. 🙂
Sounds as if you might be on to something with your number!
Blessings to you!
From your description of 3s, I probably fit in that category as well–at least as a wing. I’ve never taken a test or even read that much about Enneagrams. I suppose self-awareness is an important tool for self-regulation! Thank you for these insights, Michele.
Understanding ourselves and others certainly puts a tool in our hands for glorifying God and serving him well.
Oh, this sounds so familiar. Thank you! Maree
Are you a sister 3, Maree?
Am I a 4 if I think I’m so unique I don’t fit any of the categories? Ha!
You just might be!
I’ve got a big 4 wing, so I know the feeling!
(Happy that we are both SO special!) 🙂
I really enjoyed your insight into life as a 3, Michele! The truth about who you are in Christ’s love was also just the reminder I needed this morning after failing to achieve any sense of gentleness and kindness with my kids over the past hour. And so we begin again! Fun connecting with you here!
Yes, I am always happy when we connect, Stacey. I’ve been living in a bit of a bubble lately, it seems, so it’s been great to meet up with my favorite people on the internet here at Mary’s place. I think mums of young kids need to hold the truth that we are so much more than our successes very close to their hearts. Our kids push us in ways no one else could ever accomplish, and we have to start fresh every single day.
Blessings to you at you begin again!
Great analysis of a 3, Michele! Thanks for fleshing it out for us. I count you as a beautiful example of a healthy 3. No wonder you’re so prolific with bountiful book reviews and posts. 🙂 I’ve been looking forward to reading your take on being a 3 and you did not let me down! Loving this series and hearing the personal sides of the Enneagram. I look forward to sharing soon what it’s like to be a 5. 🙂
Lisa, I was HOPING you were going to be the 5 in this series.
Really looking forward to a few minutes of seeing the world through your eyes, and I’m wondering what your wing might be…
I’m still not sure what my wing is. I usually say it’s a 4. But I have a LOT of 6 in me as well. 😉
I love this statement, “The worst part of us can also become the best part of us as we grow” growing in faith & being in the presence of God is what we need to do often…Amen!
Bless you both,
Jennifer
Isn’t that just grace in action?
I love that God can take the part of us we most lament and turn it upside down in his service and for his glory.
This is so insightful, Michele. I love how you include the important spiritual disciplines you need for development. You have put a lot of thought into this! Thank you! Love and blessings to you and Mary!
It was a huge gift to me that Mary invited me to be part of this series, because it gave me the opportunity to ponder my three-ness and how it has impacted the way I function. And I had never given that moment in 5th grade much thought until I started wondering when I first noticed some of the 3 traits. Thanks for your always-kind words.
I’m a raving fan of MM and to hear her describe E-3 helps me understand her even more. I wonder what her wing is?
Hi, Susan.
I’m one of your fans as well.
My wing is 4, and somewhere I read that the 3w4 is one of the most awkward spaces on the Ennnegram because of the tension between wanting to be known and understood and to be fully authentic (the 4) and the 3 drive to make a good impression and to succeed. The 3 is all about productivity and the 4 wants to fiddle around and make everything “heavy, deep, and real.” God knows what He’s doing, and he designed camels and platypuses (platypi?) , so I guess there’s a place in the world for 3w4’s.
Hmmm… I’ve still not taken the test but now I’m wondering if I might not be a Three as well, because I seem to be every type I’ve read about! I must be a social chameleon, too, or a shape-shifter. But I like how you put it better: “Healthy Threes, though, employ this sensitivity to understand and to advance the goals and pursuits of others. ”
I definitely need Silence, Solitude, Scripture and Sabbath to function; although it’s only lately I’ve really realized how much I need Silence and Sabbath.
I also struggle with believing people can love me even if I don’t perform well.
You did a beautiful job of explaining type Three!
So interesting that we might be the same Enneagram type!
You should try to read one of the books and/or listen to several podcasts by Suzanne Stabile. She interviews people who represent the different types and that has been very helpful to me in understanding the Enneagram better. (The Enneagram Journey podcast)
I love three’s and Michele!!! I am one who will interrupt you, however!! Love, A Seven (duh)
No surprise that you’re a 7, Sue!
All the fun! All the energy!
I’m a 5, with a lot of 1 in me too. So I can relate somewhat to your tendency to do things right, Michele. I’m not as organized as I’d like to be, probably because I’ve also got a dash of 4 in me and the artistic side of me needs a little messiness and creativity to breathe! Thanks for sharing about these each week, Mary! I’m really enjoying your series. And thanks to you, Michele, for the vulnerable and informative way you approached your type. Hugs to you both!
Hugs right back to you, Beth, and it does sound as if you’ve been doing some Enneagram thinking yourself. So glad Mary has initiated this conversation and provided a forum for us all to air our curiosity about personality types.
Thanks or sharing. I am learning about the Enneagram and finding it interesting. The traits of a three sound like my friend. I love how God gives each of the numbers different traits and talents to help them in life.
God’s design does amaze me, and the more I think about it, the more I want to know who in the world ever sat down and thought through all this wisdom, noticed all the connections between the numbers and the various stances and orientations.
Unbelievable!
Mary and Michele, I still can’t figure out what number I am. [Is there a number for people whose heads start buzzing after the 10th or 11th question of every test? :-)] That said, I am fascinated to read how this all applies to other people, and what you’ve written here is very insightful, Michele. I enjoyed getting to know you a bit better through your Enneagram number. 🙂
The word on the street is that the tests are not necessarily as reliable as just the slow, laborious process of reading about and pondering the various types. One book I read used the creative description of “Dating the Enneagram,” meaning to try on a number and live with it for a while, asking yourself, “Am I really responding to life as a ## would?”
Thank you, Michele. I’ve not done much reading or completed the assessment for Enneagram. Only read other blogger’s posts. But it definitely sounds like i’m also an Enneagram three. Thanks for the spiritual disciplines, these have my name all over them. 🙂
Oh, good! It’s reassuring to hear the practices are helpful for others.
Thank you for sharing from your heart about these insights! I think I am a 2, but I definitely have had a wing on the 3 side too. It’s a wonder to me the way that God works in so many situations to transform and bring more of His good purposes in our lives!
I am grateful for the 2s of the world!
I took the Enneagram test but I can’t remember exactly but it seems my wing was a 3. I really need to go back and dig a little more into this since I’m hearing more and more about it. Michele it is interesting to read how you know your strengths from it and that you know what you need to watch out for. Very balanced view of your personality 🙂
I appreciate that the Enneagram sugar coats NOTHING! For anyone who seriously wants to do the work, it’s a great tool.
Thank you for the insight into your Enneagram 3 personality. The first time I took an Enneagram test, several years ago, my result was 3 and I read up on #3 tendencies. I thought 3 was a good match for me. I had just retired from a very busy teaching career.
Another blogger I follow has recently been posting several Enneagram posts and I took a retest. Now the result is a 7. Maybe my priorities have changed or maybe I am a little bit of both, but now I think 7 suits me better than 3.
Interesting getting these insights!
Three and seven are both in the assertive stance, so I can see the tension there.
I definitely think of seven as the fun number!
Thank you for helping me understand 3’s better, Michelle and Mary. Written well! Achieving goals and staying on target are traits I admire and learn from a three. May we all continue to grow in Christ’s image, knowing God’s love and acceptance!
So many ways to image forth the glory of God!
I loved reading these insights, Michele! While I’m not a Three, I found myself relating to a lot of it. Then I found out that apparently when a Six (my type) is under stress, they can tend to behave like a Three, so that makes sense. I feel like this series is helping me to understand the Enneagram a bit more.
It’s fascinating, really. When I learned that 3s go to 9 in stress, it was a huge AHA moment for me.
Fascinating … especially seeing the need for Silence, Solitude, Scripture, and Sabbath in the midst.
Speaking from experience, 3s are not much fun without those crucial components
Thank you for sharing this, Michele. I don’t know a lot about the Enneagram, but I can identify with many of these characteristics.
I have a lot to learn, too, but the process has been fascinating. Suzanne Stabile’s podcast has been a great resource for me.
Ahh, Michele, this post was so insightful! As I read your descriptions and thoughts, it made me wonder if my honey is a #3. I’ll have to encourage him to take the test. 🙂
I loved what you said here:
“But we are more than the sum of our successes.” We all need to remember this, but I can see how three’s really need to be aware of this truth.
Beautifully written, friend!
I find it really hard to “guess” another person’s type because the Enneagram is all about motivation. It would be so helpful in understanding their needs and behaviors, though.
Michele,
What a great insight to what makes #3’s tick. I believe that my mom is a #3. At 85, she is still going, doing, accomplishing, and achieving. To me she’s like the Energizer Bunny and I wonder when she’s going to sit still…she doesn’t lol. I think she, too, has a “Feelings to deal with later” file. As a mom, she was/is my greatest cheerleader. She always has a “can do” attitude. I can see where it would be hard for a #3 to be a “human being” vs. a “human doing.” I think I have some of her #3 tendencies. I think you are perfectly wonderful in God’s eyes! Thanks so much for sharing!
Blessings,
Bev xx
It makes my heart happy to see how you can appreciate your mother’s way if being in the world. I think that is one of the gifts of the Enneagram.