It all began at age six. At least this is my earliest memory of my life as the helper. I was at the threshold of beginning first grade and days before I set foot into my school that year, my baby brother was born. At the moment mom walked into the house from the hospital, nothing seemed as important as “helping” my mom take care of this sweet, little bundle.
I remember never straying far from my mom in those first days at home asking over and over how I could help. Everything about “being there” for someone else felt right. I’m not sure I can fully put it into words, but something clicked when I realized I had the ability to see beyond myself. This was the beginning of my journey as an Enneagram Two even though I did not know the full scope of what this looked like until three years ago.
My name is Mary. I am an Enneagram Two and my greatest joy is discerning and focusing on the needs of others.
Feelings Rule the Day
Before I glorify my Enneagram Twoness, let me share the whole story. With any personality test, there is both the positive and the negative. In my human state, I swing boldly in both directions in my day to day life.
One of the first things, I began to see in myself after studying the Enneagram, was the way I dive deep into my emotions. I feel all the things. The difference between me and perhaps you is that you don’t always know this looking from the outside in.
At the core of a two (that’s me!) is my desire to please other people. In a crowd, I am the person who scans the room and determines where I can be of most help. To many, it appears as a gift of hospitality. For me, I am fulfilling your needs in a timely manner. I do not have the gift of serving the perfect food on an expertly decorated table, but I will certainly make you feel comfortable.
As an Enneagram Two, each step toward helping you is a step closer to fulfilling what fuels me. More about Enneagram Twos today on the blog. #EnneaWhat #enneagramtwo #enneagramseries #TellHisStory Share on XTwos are part of the Heart or Feeling Triad. I feel other people’s feelings first. It is my gift and desire to know if you are sad, frustrated, or happy. In the space of feeling your emotions, I take them on as my own. In the process of discerning your emotions, I am figuring out multiple things about myself and you. How will I care for you? What do you need most? Will this affect me? Do I have what you need? Each step toward you is a step closer to fulfilling what fuels me.
I Love to be Needed
As I was writing the story about my baby brother above, I knew the bottom line of my life as the helper was the gift of being needed. It is the core desire of an Enneagram Two and one that I call my own. On any given day the gift of being needed can work for me or against me. It all depends on whether I am leaning toward the healthy side of my twoness or not. Isn’t that just like life? We walk through good and bad days and they determine so much of how we react to any given situation.
My Enneagram story evolved at the same time I was diving deeper into understanding my identity. God began to lead me on a journey of unraveling myself by walking through the challenge of knowing Him in a deeper way. There are parallels between the Enneagram’s self-awareness tool and knowing that my identity begins with Christ. This led me on the journey to where I am today. It is still a work-in-progress and oh, so messy but it is my story and I love it.
At my best, I desire to share God’s unconditional and unlimited love with everyone. In my weakness, I lose sight of myself and taking care of my own needs at the expense of saying “yes” to those around me. Marilyn Vancil, in her book, Self to Lose Self to Find: A Biblical Approach to the 9 Enneagram Types, describes this as your “authentic and adapted self.”
When I am working from my authentic self, I find I have a sixth sense for what others need. I move with a generous spirit. My heart leads from a place of love and caring with no expectations for anything in return. On the days, I move from my adapted self, my mind seems to take over and my generosity is laced with deep-seated neediness. It’s not always pretty but God is teaching me again how to receive His grace and let go of my pride. The bottom line is that I do not always know what others need. Taking care of myself allows God to restore the parts inside me that cry for renewal and healing. I am learning this is just the way it is.
My name is Mary. I am an Enneagram Two and my greatest joy is discerning and focusing on the needs of others.Do you know your Enneagram number? Come join me on the blog for a look at the life of an Enneagram Two. #EnneaWhat #TellHisStory Share on XFinal Thoughts
God loves my “twoness.” He loves who you are too. God invites you to leave behind the striving and accept that He chose you first. He loves your individuality and reminds you there is nothing you need to prove in order to gain His love. You and I are secure in the story God is writing for us and the gift of interacting with each other along the way.
My life as the helper is best described by Marilyn Vancil. She writes:
A Two who has shifted his or her focus of attention from the needs of others to a trust in God’s love apart from their giving will become a wise and discerning servant, depending on God to direct them… True and genuine love will flow from them without demand for affirmation or reciprocity, and they will enjoy more mutuality in relationships as they graciously accept love and help from others. p. 90, Self to Lose, Self to Find
My name is Mary. I am an Enneagram Two and this is my life as the helper.
Blessings,
Thank you for joining #TellHisStory as we explore the Enneagram. Do you know someone who is interested in the Enneagram? Is this something that fascinates you? Share the love on social media so more people can join us on the journey.
Next week, we will take a short pause to celebrate my birthday with some fun giveaways. We will return to the Enneagram series on February 11 with Michele Morin as she shares what it looks like to walk through life as an Enneagram Three. You won’t want to miss this or any of the upcoming posts. Join the community by signing up below.
I am loving this journey with you and learning all about you. I, too am a helper and sometimes get lost in it at the cost of my own needs. Hard to keep it in balance. I am trying to rest in the fact God loves me no matter what. Maree
I understand what it feels like to get lost in helping others and losing myself in the process. This is the part of my Two that I need to constantly bring before God to make sure I am helping from a place of humility and not pride. And God does love you not because of something you have done but just because He is who He is.
I so relate to this post as I’m also a 2!
I’m glad to know you are a two. Being a helper is a wonderful thing as long as we don’t let others take advantage of us.
I’m in the same triad with you! Feeling all the things.
It’s a good and bad thing to feel all the things, isn’t it? What number are you, Lauren?
Mary,
I’m right there with you in my/our “two-ness” 🙂 Also, being an HSP (Highly sensitive person) means that I feel/sense others’ emotions and state of being so strongly that it can be overwhelming at times. I, too, have that “1” thing going on as well. I guess I’m a perfectionist, people-pleasing, helper?? So true that we need that alone time with God to recharge.
Blessings,
Bev xx
You have the extra layer of being a Highly Sensitive Person so I’m wondering if you feel overwhelmed often. You also mentioned that you are a perfectionist. I also am a wing one which makes me a perfectionist, people-pleaser. We are just two peas in a pod, aren’t we?
I can easily see you as a helper, Mary. Thank you for sharing how it has worked out in your life. I love what you say about God loving us as we are and we have nothing to prove to Him. About us being secure in the story He is writing for us. Love and blessings to you!
Thank you, Trudy, for your encouragement. God really loves us without any strings attached. The fact that He wrote a story for each of us just because He loves us is so comforting.
I love reading about your journey as a Two. One of my best friends is a Two and I see so many of these same characteristics in her. We’ve had such fun discussing the Enneagram together. She’s always quick to help people with problems, buy gifts for her friends, be the listening ear for the younger girls, etc. Twos are great friends to have! 🙂 But I have to remind her to take care of herself too.
Twos make great friends but I’m glad you are able to help remind your friend to take care of herself too. I learned so much about myself by writing about what it is like as an Enneagram Two. I’m hoping this series really opens up other people to understand more of who they are and how God sees them.
I’m glad this has helped you learn more about yourself. It’s interesting to reflect on how God has shaped our personalities and how we can use that to serve him while bring aware of where we might tend to use it in a less healthy way.
For those of us who follow and believe in Jesus, we have the advantage of divine favor that gives us an edge in knowing who we are as a son/daughter of Christ. The beautiful thing is since we are made in the image of God and chosen by Him we not only learn how to love ourselves better but other people as well.
I can so relate as a 2. One of the hardest things for me is not always trying to help others and saying no and not feeling guilty.
One of the hardest things for anyone who loves to serve others is knowing when to say “no.” This is something that does not come easy to me. It sounds like we are similar in this area.
yep, i see you as a helper. it shows itself in many ways, doesn’t it. i see you in your time with God and i see you in the presence you have in other’s lives, friend.
and i love that this emerged when you were quite young …
Thank you for affirming who I am, Linda. I love helping others and find that when I lean into the Holy Spirit I have a greater awareness of what those around me need. I just discovered when writing this post that my personality as the helper emerged when I was young. Now I can put a name to it.
It’s wonderful to read how God is working in your life, led you to the Ennegram and growing you to even deeper understanding in how He made you in His image and your unique work He has for you. And how to embrace how He made you to be your best for Him! Thanks for the information on being a 2 that also helps me understand how I can help a 2 be their best (including making sure their ‘yes’ to helping is God’s plan, not mine)!
The Enneagram has certainly helped me in this journey of self-awareness but God has been calling me to understand my identity through it all. I also was in a posture of readiness to receive these lessons. I do pray that this series sheds light on what number you identify with but also a greater understanding of how to get along with friends and families no matter what Enneagram number they are.
Dear Mary,
Oh, I recognize so much of my own “Two-ness” in your story! I can also remember my young-girl experience of becoming that helper to my Mom. I had held off in taking the test until recently, and when I finally took it and came out almost a pure 2, my friends just smiled and said, “Of course!” I’m so glad to know that you understand many of those same strengths and weaknesses that I face and give over to Jesus on a daily basis. He is our greatest example! Blessings and hugs to you dear “2-Friend.”
Hello, fellow Two. I can see you as The Helper and it sounds like your friends do too. The best part of who we are is that Jesus is the center of it all. We are created in His image and He is the example we should follow.
This is fascinating, Mary. I can see how being a two would have made you a wonderful elementary teacher in your previous life! I need to go take one of those tests to find out what my number is … you may have already done this, but can you recommend a good one?
It is fascinating. There is a misconception that all teachers are Enneagram Twos but that isn’t true at all. It did help me as a teacher. I would go to https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/dont-know-your-type and take the free test. No test is perfect but this will give you a good idea as to which personality type you are. Reading books and listening to podcasts on the Enneagram helped me to understand my number and know for sure it was mine.
Mary, you certainly have made me feel comfortable here at your link up. You seem to be so comfortable in your Enneagram 2 role. My dear mother-in-law never took an Enneagram test, but she was a 2, I am sure. I, like Michele am a 3, but 2 is my second highest number. Isn’t that a strange combination?
Thank you for saying that, Laurie! I want everyone to feel welcome here. I am comfortable in my role as a two because I have spent three years learning and growing into who I am. It is not strange that two is your second highest number. It could be your wing number which makes perfect sense.
Your post made me smile today, friend. As far as I can figure out, I am a 2 as well! We have a lot in common.
I love being a Two until I don’t. There are people who take advantage of my quick “yes” and willingness to help them. I love knowing we both are Twos. Thanks for being here.
Two is my second highest number :). I can relate and o not caring enough for myself in my desire to help others. It’s gotten me in trouble more than once.
One of the things a Two does is lose sight of caring for themselves in the process of caring for everyone else. I am quick to say “yes” but I am learning. I am interested in you discovering what number you are. I hope this series helps you discover more about who you are.
Awww, Mary. I see it. Your two-ness. I loved this post and what you’re discovering about yourself. I also love how you brought God into how you live out your twoness.
I loved this too: “You and I are secure in the story God is writing for us and the gift of interacting with each other along the way.”
It’s fun discovering more about who He’s made each of us to be. 🙂
I love the journey to self-discovery and self-awareness. I am nothing without God so I couldn’t write this post without including his graciousness in choosing me to be his daughter. Thank you for always encouraging me in this space.
Love thus detailed glimpse of life through the eyes of a Helper!
I loved being able to dig into who I am by writing about it this week. I can’t wait for you to share your words.
It’s a wonder how God made us the same, and yet so different. Thanks for sharing, Mary. Many blessings to you.
It is a wonder and a gift that we all bring a unique piece of ourselves to the world. I am so glad you stopped by and joined the conversation.