Sometimes you are lucky enough to find a community that feels just like the place you want to hang out. You know when you visit that it feels like home and once there you don’t want to leave. It’s the feeling you get when you sit across the table from a friend with your favorite coffee or tea. The conversation flows and the friendship flourishes. There is such a place that gathers every week at Kate Motaung’s. It’s called Five Minute Friday where coffee and chocolate are always available. Some friends meet on Twitter Thursday evenings to begin the party and others join after a one word prompt is given for all to ponder. These are my people and this community is HOME. Come join us as we write for five minutes on a word and share your own ponderings.
I’m hovering in the middle. A space of waiting, watching and wondering. A time of letting parts of me catch up with the other parts that are unsure. It is where the broken pieces gather to become whole and the space where healing is given more time. The middle sometimes feels like emptiness but has a sense of connection as understanding dawns in the space.
The middle is where my grief resides right now. In this time of loss, the former grief collides with current grief. Both need the time to come together to allow for renewed purpose. Both live together as memories of my parents surface and fill the emptiness that sometimes resides. As much as it sounds like limbo, it has become the space I need for deep healing and restoration. Without the time in the middle, who I am is just part of who God wants me to be.
Grief works in and out of my daily life but serves as a reminder of the legacy of two parents, who left me with a sense of who I am. In this middle space, I am learning that it is okay to not be okay. I can let go and let God do the work that is so needed inside me as I move forward. While I’m here, I rest in knowing that God will catch me on the days I am falling and walk alongside me as I become stronger. I learn I am more than my grief but know that my parents are an integral part of me and where I will go next.
[Tweet “Being in the middle is a gift that I would never trade because God is with me. #fmfparty”]
Being in the middle is a gift that I would never trade because God is with me. The blessing of sitting for awhile is that I am giving myself the chance to heal from the inside out. God is the Comforter who catches my every tear and holds them close to His heart. This is exactly where I need to be and exactly where I will become whole.
I love this image of the sun stopped in the middle of the sky. The image describes where I am right now and where I need to be.
So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies, as it is written in the Book of Jashar. The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua 10:13
Standing in the middle,
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Appreciate your encouragement to see the beauty of being in the middle with God. As you know, it’s not my favorite place to be! 🙂
I do know this about you Holly! The middle looks differently for each of us but it is a place where both of us have hung out! Thanks for stopping by!
Sometimes it is hard to be in the middle, but if we skip the middle of the hard stuff we won’t truly grow or heal. Praying for you during this hard time.
Skipping the middle will not bring us to the end any faster. Instead it will probably keep us stuck longer. Thank you for your prayers. I cherish knowing that you are pausing and thinking of me.
Learning it’s okay to not be okay. Such a gift! This grief-journey is heavily laden but He has much to teach us and there is a blessing in the learning. Prayers for you as you journey through the middle, dear one.
I am blessed you understand and you are walking this journey with me. The middle is not such a bad place to be because God is sitting with me in my grief. Praying as you continue to maneuver your own grief journey.
Thanks for writing – this was very moving to me. You mention grieving and while I am not sure exactly what the situation is or was, I can relate to that “limbo” status. My mom died in Sept. 2014, less than 2 months after becoming ill and being diagnosed with liver cancer. It’s been such an upheaval for our whole family. Praying that God will continue to be your comforter and strength through these days. Thanks again.
I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. We never stop needing our moms. My mom passed away 3 years ago and my dad passed away the end of August. The anniversary of my mom’s passing was this past week and brought to mind the deep reality of having lost both parents. All of the grief is catching up with each other and leaves me feeling like I am in this space in the middle.
Thank you for your prayers and please know I am praying for you too.
“Being in the middle is a gift that I would never trade because God is with me.” Yes! I’ve learned to stop praying that God takes the hard stuff away because I become so complacent when I don’t NEED him. I wish I learned my lessons a little easier lol.
I think we all wish we learned the lessons the first time. I know I do. I love how you are giving yourself permission to sit with the hard that God brings your way. We can learn so much more when we do. Thank you for being here Melissa!
All of this was lovely. I’m sorry you are having to be in the middle of mourning two losses. That’s so much.
It is a lot Somer but with God I have hope. I am blessed you joined me here today to encourage me.
Hugs to you, my friend, as you wait in the middle for God to do a good work in you :).
Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. This journey is nothing without God and friends. Blessings on your weekend!
And this is exactly where God will meet you, right here in the middle. I love this friend. Although I have not lost my parents yet, my other just just week was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. So here I am navigating the decline of a parent’s health. Standing in the middle with you. Hugs!
I am so sorry to hear about the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s for your mom. That will be a difficult new normal for all of you. The time you are in now is one I am familiar with and I am praying for you as you maneuver this. We are stronger when we are together friend. Know that with God we are fine.
Beautiful post and so challenging. Thank you for sharing how God is using this time to heal you and how he helps you.
So glad to meet you today, Charlie! I pray that you are encouraged and know how amazing God is in the middle wherever that may be for you. Thank you for joining me.
Mary, of course I love this – your words are like a smooth elixir – a balm of Gilead! When I lost my mom in October of 2012 – I felt rather lost; not necessarily in the middle but almost an end with a new beginning. Does that even make sense? I’ve been walking ‘that’ for 4+ years and it still feels somewhat lonely.
The one thing for me being ‘in the middle of the end’ is that the longing for HOME increases. It no longer sounds like something I don’t want to do or a place I don’t want to go. It gets sweeter.
Sorry for the ramble, but that’s what friends are for!
It makes perfect sense. There is definitely the sense of an end and new beginning but there is also this place of just being. That is where I am now.
I agree that being in the middle of our lives and seeing the end more clearly is a great place to be. I love that you stopped by and rambled today.
OH, this is so good, and I’m overwhelmed by your stated willingness to sit here in this place — in this middle -ish-ness — because this is where God is and you want to see Him work. Such a God-honoring perspective, Mary.
I really don’t have a choice as to where I am at the moment because God is making it clear this is where I will heal. It feels rather numbing at times but I also know that I am not exactly where I was even a month ago. God is working! Thank you for encouraging me. Weekend blessings!
Heartbreakingly lovely, Mary. You put this so well, that being in that middle space is the way you can let God heal you from the inside out. Just perfect.
#2 at FMF this week.
Thank you for your kind words Andrew. Sometimes God lays a message on your heart that you just need to write down and share with others. Weekend blessings!
THIS: “Being in the middle is a gift that I would never trade because God is with me. The blessing of sitting for awhile is that I am going myself the chance to heal from the inside out. God is the Comforter who catches my every tear and holds them close to His heart. This is exactly where I need to be and exactly where I will become whole.” Oh and I love your description of the FMF community. I’m over in the 14 spot this week.
Since I haven’t been hanging with FMF for awhile I knew I wanted to update my little intro into the FMF community. It’s true that this is such a wonderful group of writers.
As hard as it is in the middle it is a space where I can heal and grow. It’s okay to be here because God is with me. Blessings on your weekend.
praying you work through your grief. You are on the right track though, standing with the Lord God himself.
Amen. Grief is an ongoing process but I am nothing without God. Thank you for your encouragement. Blessings on your weekend!