A piece of my heart is gone forever. The seams that were stitched together so neatly ripped open to make room for a mother’s love when my sons were born. My heart gladly expanded to receive the gift of motherhood. But since then a small tear, reaching from the inside out remains like the drip of a leaky faucet that hasn’t been fixed. The rip appeared two and half years ago and hasn’t left since. It is a rip of loss that was filled with grief and a deep aching when my mom passed away. The usual Hallmark portrayed Mother’s Day looks different this year. A mother’s day gift will not look like flowers or chocolates, but instead the wish for a conversation and a gathering close of the memories I hold dear from the one who taught me what being a mother is all about.

yellow daisies-mother's day

My mom showed me that motherhood is a gift to be treasured. She demonstrated a mother’s love by leaning in, lifting up and eventually letting go. Then I learned that a mother’s love fills your heart with firsts – first smile, first coo, first word, or first step. It is the feeling when your child says “mom” for the first time, the gentle whisper of “I love you mom” or a sloppy, wet kiss on the cheek. It is warm, sweaty hugs on a summer’s day and sweet memories of playing silly games or telling made-up knock, knock jokes. It is as gentle as a spring breeze, fun as chasing fireflies on a summer’s night, challenging as a bitter, cold winter and expectant as the first splash of color in the fall. A mother’s love is like no other. A gift when you least expect it and the blessing of the title of mom for a lifetime.

Now I am in a season of letting go. My sons have moved to adulthood, careers and marriage. And I have lived the feeling of letting go, when it means saying goodbye and till we meet again. When this happens, you crave the gift of time, closeness, laughter and a mother’s day gift that can’t be wrapped up pretty with a bow. We go through seasons when the one gift we truly desire can only be given by the One who loves us more than we can imagine. A loss due to death, family moving on or family not being present in your life leaves you empty and wanting. You question what kind of a mother’s day gift is going to fill the ache.

mother's day

This Mother’s Day as I feel the affects of letting go in many areas of my life, I am seeking the hope that is found in Jesus. His ways will lead me to peace, comfort and the love I need to repair my aching heart. I spent time drawing close to Jesus yesterday as I visited my mom. I craved conversation so I spoke all the words out loud that I had saved up for the last several years. The conversation was blessed by grace as I drew near to Jesus. I sat down close to my mom wishing for one more hug, but knowing that by being there I was somehow closer. I sang several of mom’s favorite songs in worship to Jesus and as a gift for both mom and me. I opened up my heart to Jesus and in the act of opening up, I embraced the gift of peace that He lovingly poured into my open wound, healing one tiny stitch in the tear.

The gifts of hope, love, peace, grace and comfort can all be found in Jesus. He is the perfect gift and He is all we need!

May these words from Ephesians bring you peace and comfort on this Mother’s Day.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

Blessings of grace along the way and Happy Mother’s Day!

Mary

Linking with Lisha @Give Me Grace

 

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