A piece of my heart is gone forever. The seams that were stitched together so neatly ripped open to make room for a mother’s love when my sons were born. My heart gladly expanded to receive the gift of motherhood. But since then a small tear, reaching from the inside out remains like the drip of a leaky faucet that hasn’t been fixed. The rip appeared two and half years ago and hasn’t left since. It is a rip of loss that was filled with grief and a deep aching when my mom passed away. The usual Hallmark portrayed Mother’s Day looks different this year. A mother’s day gift will not look like flowers or chocolates, but instead the wish for a conversation and a gathering close of the memories I hold dear from the one who taught me what being a mother is all about.
My mom showed me that motherhood is a gift to be treasured. She demonstrated a mother’s love by leaning in, lifting up and eventually letting go. Then I learned that a mother’s love fills your heart with firsts – first smile, first coo, first word, or first step. It is the feeling when your child says “mom” for the first time, the gentle whisper of “I love you mom” or a sloppy, wet kiss on the cheek. It is warm, sweaty hugs on a summer’s day and sweet memories of playing silly games or telling made-up knock, knock jokes. It is as gentle as a spring breeze, fun as chasing fireflies on a summer’s night, challenging as a bitter, cold winter and expectant as the first splash of color in the fall. A mother’s love is like no other. A gift when you least expect it and the blessing of the title of mom for a lifetime.
[Tweet “The perfect mother’s day gift isn’t always pretty but forever holds the love of Jesus. “]
Now I am in a season of letting go. My sons have moved to adulthood, careers and marriage. And I have lived the feeling of letting go, when it means saying goodbye and till we meet again. When this happens, you crave the gift of time, closeness, laughter and a mother’s day gift that can’t be wrapped up pretty with a bow. We go through seasons when the one gift we truly desire can only be given by the One who loves us more than we can imagine. A loss due to death, family moving on or family not being present in your life leaves you empty and wanting. You question what kind of a mother’s day gift is going to fill the ache.
This Mother’s Day as I feel the affects of letting go in many areas of my life, I am seeking the hope that is found in Jesus. His ways will lead me to peace, comfort and the love I need to repair my aching heart. I spent time drawing close to Jesus yesterday as I visited my mom. I craved conversation so I spoke all the words out loud that I had saved up for the last several years. The conversation was blessed by grace as I drew near to Jesus. I sat down close to my mom wishing for one more hug, but knowing that by being there I was somehow closer. I sang several of mom’s favorite songs in worship to Jesus and as a gift for both mom and me. I opened up my heart to Jesus and in the act of opening up, I embraced the gift of peace that He lovingly poured into my open wound, healing one tiny stitch in the tear.
The gifts of hope, love, peace, grace and comfort can all be found in Jesus. He is the perfect gift and He is all we need!
May these words from Ephesians bring you peace and comfort on this Mother’s Day.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10
Blessings of grace along the way and Happy Mother’s Day!
Mary
Linking with Lisha @Give Me Grace
My tears are spilling with yours, for you, for your memories, for the time at the headstone, for the ever-present grief that never quite disappears.
Love to you this afternoon, Mary …
No words but thank you. My mom has a piece of my heart but God has all of it. He is filling it with love when it hurts.
I’m so sorry you had a difficult time, Mary. It sounds like you had a blessed time though at your mom’s grave as Jesus graciously poured the gift of peace into your open wound. I pray He will further heal you in your grief.
My mom has been gone for over 10 years now, but my heart still gets so sad, especially on certain days or memories. I try to remember that she is so much happier now without any depression or troubles, and she is dancing with Jesus, but I, too, still ache for another hug from her. Some of her last words to us were, “I love you! I love you! I love you!”
Blessings and hugs to you, my friend!
I can feel your hugs and prayers! They are a blessing. Grief comes when we least expect it and every time I think I ma healing, another wave washes over me. It give God the chance to pour into me even more. It is His way of saying, I am still here, never forget. Losing a parent is very difficult and there will always be a hole in my heart from the loss of my mom. I’m praying for you too and the days where sadness is triggered. May you feel God’s love and peace to fill the hole in your heart. Love you!
Speaking the words out loud that you have saved up sounds like it was a release for you and release of blessing on you!
It was a beautiful release. I know that mom heard every word and I was blessed to catch her up with all that has happened over the last few years. Thank you for caring and affirming how I felt.
Hi Mary! May God bless your heart with his healing peace. I am in the same place as you, although my mom has been gone five years. I visited her today at the cemetery, and left a rose. I seem to be more weepy this year than any other…
Our hearts were made to be ripped I think. It’s the only way they will get bigger, and understand the rip in someone else. May we see these days as the gifts they are, and love our families here while we are able.
God bless you and your family this Mother’s Day,
Ceil
Thank you for understanding. I have been more weepy this year too. I know that it is a combination of missing my mom as well as the final letting go of my sons as they develop their own lives. Loving our families and seeking the joy within our everyday is a beautiful thing to focus on. Hope your Mother’s Day was blessed.
Praying for you on this difficult Mother’s Day when the wound is still so fresh from your mom’s passing, Mary. My mom died in 2002, so I’ve had lots of time for my wounds to heal. But it’s still bittersweet on Mother’s Day, no matter how long the years have been since I last talked to her. Yes, conversation with our moms is one of those things that is so hard to give up and grieve. Praying that you feel your sons’ love and, of course, the Father’s love encouraging you today. Hugs from afar!
Thank you for the prayers. For some reason it was harder this year and really hit me all last week. I honestly think of something I want to tell her everyday and reach for the phone before I remember that I can’t call her. It truly is the Father’s love that gets me through. Thank you for your sweet understanding.
What beautiful words to honor your mother and glorify our Lord, Mary! Happy mother’s day to you, may it be filled with love and laughter!
Thank you June! There are peaks and valleys when going through grief and I was experiencing a valley that I needed to dwell in with my words and my actions. I hope your day was blessed. Hugs to you friend!
So beautiful, but it pulls at my heart. May God bless you with His presence and fill you up with Himself during this time of letting go and trusting Him.
There are times that pulling out the memories causes tears and as those flow my heart hurts. But each of these times brings just a little more healing. God is the greatest source of comfort and this is one more part of my life’s journey. Thank you for caring! Blessings!
Happy Mothers Day friend! A great post.
Thank you Tara! I am very interested to see what your future might hold. Love you!