What memories flood your mind when you think of high school? Who do you hang out with today? Did you ever sacrifice your beliefs to fit in with the crowd? Do you have people who lift you up rather than tear you down?
Who are your people?
All of these questions convict me in so many different ways. Your age may affect the answer, but no matter your age, you and I are striving to figure out where we belong.
A Subtle Shift
My pondering began last week while out on a walk.
There were a few people walking the same pathway, but I kept to my side of the path in order to keep my distance. The overarching theme that played through my mind repeatedly was “who are your people”?
Thoughts like these fill my mind during these uncertain times as I miss some of my people that I have not seen in months. Texting is a gift and snail mail is a sweet surprise, but nothing will replace in-real-life for me.
Getting lost in my own thoughts is like free-falling. It’s not always pretty and as I began the process of wondering who my people are, I found that I needed to go back to junior high and move forward from there. Where did I belong and what framed my belief system as I uncovered the answer to these questions?
A subtle shift from knowing without a doubt where I belonged turned to an uncertainty that was unsettling.
Let’s take a quick look at how we determine our people groups over the years. I’m hoping this leads to a better understanding of recognizing where we belong and answering the question “who are your people?”.
Choosing Popular to Fit In
I spent years trying to squeeze my way into the “popular” group at school. It began in junior high and continued through high school. The fact of the matter, though, was that I was never destined to join the ranks of those who seemed to always have it all together. Can anyone relate?
It was not for lack of trying and not because my personality was weird, but more of God’s way of allowing me to develop into the creative woman He always destined me to be. I am able to say this with clarity in this stage of my life because I went through a lot of angst and heartache to get to the place I now call home.
Jesus understands the desire for people to present themselves in a way that exudes power and presence. Think of the Pharisees or when James and John asked to sit at the right and left hands of the Father (Mark 10:35-45).
There are days I try to do the same thing at the expense of who I really am. It’s taken me a lot of years to understand where and with whom I belong.
Lisa Whittle, in her book Jesus Over Everything, writes about outside influences in her chapter called “Steady Over Hype.” It’s the idea of letting others drive how we act, what we say, or even the things we buy (think of the power of the Internet). Lisa says it like this:
Hype is more than a bad idea–it is a dangerous idea for two great reasons, if none else:
1. Its takeover influence leads us to give up ownership of our thoughts, convictions, and free will.
2. Its flash-and-bang appeal diminishes the importance of a steady, enduring gospel.
I don’t know about you, but I need Jesus and the Gospel is my truth. Without either, I am lost and easily swayed.
So … who are your people?
I am many years past worrying about fitting in as a high schooler and even more years past junior high. I understand I needed to experience those ages and clique-ish groups to define who I am today. In those early years, I was devastated more often than uplifted, but when God entered the picture in a deeper way, my need for “popular” left and was replaced by a desire for belonging.
God is a God of belonging. The gift of belonging to God and not a particular people group changed my need to belong to the reward of being chosen. He will choose us every minute of every day. What does God say about this?
They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” 2 Peter 2:19
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17
Because of who God says we are, we belong. There is nothing we need to do to prove ourselves to gain God’s love and grace. Remember God chose us first and calls us daughter or son.
We have found our people because God first found us and in turn we found Him.
Because of who God says we are, we belong. We have found our people because God first found us. #newpost #TellHisStory #linkup Share on XMy people are the dreamers, the hope-fillers, the broken, the redeemed, the creatives, the intellectuals, and all those who God created to be in His image and likeness.
Who are your people and how did you find them?
Blessings,
Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash
I miss my people too. However, I have been missing them for a while as I have moved. I was planning on investing in “new people,” but then COVID-19 hit. I am so thankful God is always with me. I loved your tweet, “Because of who God says we are, we belong. We have found our people because God first found us.” I do feel found. Maree
I love knowing you feel found. I also am praying as you seek your people in the new place where you are living. I have a sense of seeking new people too because I began going to a new church right before the pandemic hit. Thank you for stopping by.
I wouldn’t go back to my junior high / high school years for the world, Mary. I wouldn’t even consider going back for a reunion.
These are the good old days right now, aren’t they, friend. And blogging has opened up a whole new world of beautiful, supportive relationships that have seen us through the ups and downs.
We learn so much from each other. Iron sharpens iron in the most gentle way …
I wouldn’t either. I’m with you that I love the age I am and the season of life I am in right now. I am also blessed that I met you through blogging and now call you friend. I pray you find yourself on the other side of this pandemic soon.
Ah, Mary … belonging is such a poignant topic. I so wanted to fit in when I was younger, through school and in my younger working days. I distinctly remember the staff meeting I was in where I looked around at all the extroverts laughing and talking and thought, “You know, I’m OK just being quiet.” It was such a freeing moment. To rework your line for myself, my people are the builders, the encouragers, the storytellers, the grieving, the grace-filled, the gardeners and the ones who smile back at the grocery store. Hugs, friend.
I can imagine how freeing it was for you to find yourself during the staff meeting and know that you were going to be okay. I’m not sure why we work so hard to fit in when God tells us we are already chosen. I love your list of who your people are. I also would add the grieving to my list, too.
Belonging and community are so important to me. And I have a teen that I was just talking to about the “popular crowd” today. Thanks for these thoughts.
I know when my sons were teens the idea of fitting in was so important. It’s hard to belong as our unique selves. I hope and pray your teen finds her way.
Good question to ponder! Thankful for the unique mix of God’s people who are my people!
It is a good question. I am finding my people have changed over the years, but the ones who remain constant are my dearest community.
We use this saying/question often around here…with the encouragement to “find your people.” We are all designed to belong, to feel included and to be connected. What a gift and a joy when we find our people:) I know doing so is not always easy and the subject can keep going deeper – but I am blessed by my people. And to be past the desperate searching of junior high days!
And – I loved your comment “getting lost in my thoughts is like free-falling…” Oh, indeed!
I’m with you in rejoicing that I am beyond junior high days. It is a gift when we find our people. May we all feel known and loved by our heavenly Father. Blessed to have you here.
I love this invitation to ask ourselves who our people are, Mary. Such deep reflections. Thank you. I’m with you in needing Jesus and the Gospel as my truth. I definitely am lost and easily swayed without Him. Love and blessings to you, my friend!
Jesus is my everything. Thank goodness we have Him in our lives. I love that you are one of my people. Blessings on the rest of your week.
My people are the hope sharers, the “you-can-do-it’s”, the encouragers, and those who listen to you rage and rant and love you anyway!!!
You are definitely a “hope” girl. Thank you for sharing who your people are and thank you for being one of my people.
Sounds like our people are the same type of people! I cannot tell you what a timely post this is! A great reminder that we are His first and foremost & He created us with purpose, on purpose, and for HIS purposes!
I love when God speaks words that speak to others. His timing is always the best. We are God’s best gift to the world. Thank you for being here and joining in on the conversation.
Mary, I just wrote a post to be published tonight on fitting in vs. belonging. I think you and I have done this before – been thinking about the same topics. Great minds…! I loved your thoughts on fitting in.
I love how God lays similar topics on our hearts at the same time. I can’t wait to read yours. Have a blessed rest of your week.
Mary, knowing I belong to Jesus gives me a sense of belonging. I enjoy being with those who love learning more about Him. I also enjoy writer’s conferences. Those are my people too.
I love writer’s conferences. I haven’t been to any in quite a few years but the connections I made there are invaluable. May we all know Jesus and HIs heart for loving everyone.
My shyness can still creep in today as it did when I was in junior high and all my school years actually! But there is this sense of comfort that comes when i am around ‘my people.’ Sometimes it is the people that I have known the majority of my life and other times it may be others that I just recently met. To not fall into trying to be comfortable around everyone is something I do strive for knowing we aren’t to click with everyone, but to love everyone–to be kind and gracious. And that is much easier done when rooted in my identity in Christ.
Anita asked, in her comment, if introversion and extroversion play into who are people are and how we handle this. What do you think? You mentioned that you feel a sense of comfort when you are with your people. This sums it up for me as well. When I can be who I was created to be with the people around me, I am my best self.
The list of who my people are looks like yours – but how I find them? God just sends them across my path. I’ve also learned they are not the people in the limelight, not the people who belong by excluding. I’ve learned to find them outside the circle where I am. Shalom, Mary!
~Maryleigh
I like that you are finding your people outside of the circle. That shows your heart for looking beyond who is standing out or who is the most popular. I believe God has sent a number of people my way who are now my people. He knows us so well and loves when we connect with Him and others.
This is one question we have to answer if we would find the security and stability we need to be who God has called us to be. Thanks for sharing. Many blessings to you!
You are so right. Once we are secure in who God says we are we discover we are known and we belong. It is God’s gift to us. Thank you for being here today, Boma.
What a thoughtful post nudging us to look at the question you use as a title! Reading it casques me to consider that though we may be in different eras, many of us experience a similar process of wrestling with this question. At this season (in my seventh decade) I am most interested in radical people who go deep into considering every aspect of life, those whose conversations extend beyond the superficial, those who see possibilities in all sorts of places and people, and those whose faith is not a Sunday faith but shows up in a myriad of ways without religious comments to punctuate who they are and what they do. These are the people who most remind me of Jesus and nudge me to remember “my” people will look like Him. That doesn’t mean they will necessarily look like “church people”, but look like Jesus looked in the Gospels.
I love how you described your people. We are a decade apart so I might look at things a little differently than you, but I imagine we are more similar than not. I am at the age that I enjoy authenticity in my conversations as well as kindness. You provided such a good picture of your people. Thanks for being here, Pam!
I’m curious to know whether you see yourself as an introvert or an extrovert (and whatever or not those two characteristics have any bearing on a person’s need to find his or her people 😁). My family are my people, and a few other friends that are friends that I can pick up where I left off five months or five years ago. On a larger group scale, my people are those who accept anyone, show love and humility towards all, and work to eradicate racism and injustice.
I’m an introvert. In some social situations, I am an extroverted introvert but I need alone time to recharge. You pose a good thought. I wonder if the characteristics of being an introvert or extrovert play into finding your people. My family are my people, too. It sounds like we have similar people that we call our own. If you reflect more on how introversion and extroversion play into this idea of who your people are, let me know.
I had that struggle, too. I went from an elementary school with a number of friends to not fitting in to a junior high/high school that was very cliquish. The verse about being “accepted in the Beloved” was a great comfort and blessing to me.
Thank you for sharing. It’s hard when any of us perceive we don’t fit in. The blessing is when we become believers and we find out we belong to God without having to prove anything.
Mary, I struggled with trying to find my people too. I discovered I couldn’t really find them until I knew who I was in Jesus. I became a believer at fourteen years old, but I also dealt with rejection. It was as I embraced the truth that Jesus was enough for me and I didn’t need to strive for acceptance by people that I discovered lifelong friendships. I guess because I finally became comfortable with who God created me to be. I began to live in the identity He gave me rather than trying to be someone so others would like me. I don’t know if this makes sense. Your words unlocked a lot of thoughts about this topic of belonging! 🙂 Great post.
Your words make perfect sense. I also did not find my people until I was secure in who Jesus said I was and am. Living in our given identities provides a freedom and security that we do not have when we try to go it alone. We are like two peas in a pod in many ways, Jeanne. Thank you for always sharing so honestly.
I am always drawn to the verses in the Bible where Jesus tells us that all people are his people. All of the people that Jesus has forgiven are my people.
I love this. Knowing I am chosen, His child, loved, and part of His story for the world, get my heart pitter-pattering. God has a heart for all people and I pray that I also reflect His image in this area.
I do wonder if we learn who we are by discovering who we are not?
I still don’t get the memos that tell all the cool people what’s acceptable. Maybe we are on the same mailing list?
I know I learn this way. It’s also the idea that what we strive for doesn’t look like we imagined so we end up turning in a different direction. I’m glad we are on the same mailing list.
I found my place in God as a young adult & have never looked back. My people are His people 😀
Bless you,
Jennifer
Amen. You were blessed to know at a younger age who God says you are. I learned as an adult and have days in between where I need to be reminded. I am so glad you share your wisdom here.