My hands gripped the arms of the chair so tightly that I feared my fingers would find themselves permanently stuck in that position. I tried Lamaze breathing to calm down my beating heart that I was sure was loud enough for all to hear. Prayers lifted in rapid succession as my breathing matched the staccato of my prayers. Lying in a chair covered in a thick plastic-like vinyl did nothing to calm my fears. I was well on my way to a total lack of control. Not my happy place at all.
Control is my friend. At least that’s what I tell myself. I tightly grip what I deem to be important believing I have it all figured out. I forget that letting go is a step in the journey to surrender.
That day in the dentist chair is one example of how control is elusive. I’m not a dentist and I needed to rely on the capable hands of the one who has the training.
The same thing happens in other areas of my life. Just when I think I have everything figured out, I’m thrown a curveball. Letting go and turning to the One, who is the keeper of all control, is the best solution. So then why do I tend to do the opposite?
If only I had the answer to that question!
God knows my struggle with control. In fact, He took this year to teach me about surrender. As January began this year, God gently assured me He had my best interests at heart.
I’ve been holding on tightly ever since. Tightly to God and the path He created for me.
A look back at my journey to surrender is a path of growth, new identity, and God’s truth. Walk with me, as I reflect on this past year.
I’m not one to make waves or go against the grain, but learning the ins and outs of surrender has left me holding onto things a bit longer than needed. Just when I felt the need to hold on, God called me to let go. The tension in the act of surrender increases as we go deeper in the process. Click HERE to read how I started on the road to surrender.
The journey to surrender over these last eleven months has been life-changing. It is no mistake that God chose the word “surrender” for me. He saw the depth of my fear and unworthiness and gently pried my fingers apart to receive His love and grace.
He reframed and reworked my belief in myself to include words such as “enough”, “daughter of the King”, “beloved”, and “worthy”. My shaken identity disappeared and the truth of God took its place. I rest in a place of knowing I am loved and chosen by a God who desires to see me grow.
But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9 NLT
Surrendering myself to God’s truth involves a daily reckoning. Each day leads me one step closer or one step farther away. The choice is all mine.
But more often than not, I choose the baby step toward God. Each tentative movement is only possible in the act of recognizing God’s truth. The importance of accepting who God says He is became a turning point. A reference of how far I’ve come. The pivotal piece of the process that moved me from holding on tight to gradually letting go. There is so much more I can say about the truth that only comes from God, but for now you can read more about this part of my journey HERE.
As with all travels, you begin, stay the course, and pray you make it to the end. Some travels, continue beyond the anointed time. Surrender is ongoing and as the calendar year draws to a close my journey is far from over.
I shared these words last week: “I have a feeling that God’s call for me to surrender will not end on December 31.”
But the context surrounding that statement is how surrender blossoms in obedience. The word obedience is the factor that will keep me walking toward surrender the rest of my life.
In my imperfect humanness, obedience is the area where I flourish or struggle. It takes a daily awakening to the “yes” God creates for me and the willingness to choose it again and again.
How do you surrender daily and work to make your “yes” a “yes” and your “no” a “no”?
Blessings on the journey!
Look for a sign up document next week to become a featured guest at #TellHisStory. I am looking at the third Tuesday of each month for one of you to share your story. We are better together and His story is your story. Won’t you join us as the story continues with you?
#TellHisStory holiday schedule
Christmas Day- no link up
New Year’s Day – no link up
Link up resumes on Tuesday, January 8, 2019
I might post a message on each of these holidays but I know how important “presence” is during the holidays. I pray you find time for your own “presence” moments.
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